Sunday, 2 January 2005

Blogging About Blogging (A Rational Post)
Whenever I've tried to blog lately, my thoughts have come out as distinctly unbalanced. I took it as a sign when, on Xmas Eve, I went to post a maudlin sort of entry and an unknown technical glitch stopped me from publishing. Whichever unseen force runs the internet consciousness must have been telling me to shut the hell up. And fair enough.

Sometimes one needs some time to let things come off the boil, so that when one goes to blog, one is not whelmed by the emotions which rise from the thoughts. As much as I dislike rationality (for the sake of itself), sometimes a bit is necessary. It can help one to reach a necessary state of detachment for calmly working through aspects of one's life which rankle terribly. In other words, to scrape the scum off the jam and taste the goodness underneath. (Aren't analogies spiffy?)

A certain few persons who have been known to read my blog from time to time, so I've heard, are distressed by the negativity of most of my posts - which can be horribly depressed(depressing?), I know. But it must be pointed out that though I may often blog when I am sad, I am certainly not always sad. It's more like... when I'm happy, I'm caught up in it and I forget to blog. When I'm upset, either I talk it out with the people around me, or more often, I don't want to inflict my crap feelings on the people around me, so I blog instead. I like to imagine blogging as a similar activity as praying, or writing down problems, promises, resolutions, etc. and burning them. It releases them into the atmosphere, and in some way or another they'll be reflected back to me, hopefully in an altered form.

Boredom has to account for a lot of my bad posts - it usually depresses me enough all by itself; it also gives me too much time to brood on whatever I feel is wrong with my life. I berate myself plenty about not doing activities I could take up in the pursuit of happiness, without folks berating me. (I'd never admit this - shhh! - but I wouldn't like it either if they stopped bugging me, because without them I'd never get out of my rut. I'm SUCH an awful procrastinator.)

Yeah, so this is one of those awkward, uber-honest posts which seems impossible to end... too much body and not enough conclusion... *shrug* Bye for now.

~ posted by Anna @ 9:39 PM