Sunday, 28 December 2003

Note to self: a large double shot of tequila is too much to swallow in one gulp without choking and/or burning one's throat. o_O *coughs*

I really should do my friday five ASAP, considering that it's Sunday. :)

1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?

Er... perhaps renovating my website to its more pictureful, colourful and spiffy state. I really can't think of anything else.

2. What was your biggest disappointment?

Spending most of a year in a crappy house in a rural area (Dunsandel) with sod-all to do. Now that I know what it's like, I will never do such a thing again.

3. What do you hope the new year brings?

Enjoyable work, less free time ('cause currently I spend too much time brooding), money, new friends, fun in a new city. I suppose all those things kinda follow each other along.

4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? If yes, what will they be?

Well, I've had a few ideas so far. Improve my diet: eat less dairy, more vegan, more legumes, and so on. Exercise to accompany the effects of a good diet. Try not to be irritable with or brood over things (and people) I cannot and need not change, realising that 'the problem' is often mine alone. Find good ways to spend my time, including work. Blog positively about something every day, no matter how trivial. Try to be less cynical and jealous. Remember to not only notice but cherish the little wonders of life. Don't repress or bottle thoughts and feelings; and if I need to cry, at least enjoy it. When a good idea presents itself, work towards realising it.

5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?

Apart from the perennial good plan of waiting on an east-facing beach for sunrise, I hadn't thought of anything specific.

~ posted by Anna @ 7:44 PM

See how words and their meanings change; we grow connotations within ourselves. We can say 'I feel...' and actually mean 'I think...' or even 'I think I ought to think...' After all, emotions don't always do what we feel they should do. At the moment I feel that I want to be happy - but my emotions take over, and so I really feel unhappy.

It's just as well that I have a blog. Where else would I store those flyaway thoughts that flit through the air, like poems, and are so difficult to snatch and keep? I need a record of them, so that in the future I can look back and say, "Hey, I used to be able to think! Sometimes even interestingly. There's the proof."

~ posted by Anna @ 5:50 PM

There's a bellbird burbling in the rain, in the silver birch tree outside the bathroom window. Plus I was woken up in the middle of the night by the monstrous, thudding crunch of thunder... these are good sounds. :)

Later: Actually it was a Tui.

~ posted by Anna @ 7:52 AM

Tuesday, 23 December 2003

I keep forgetting what day it is. This happens several times a day.

~ posted by Anna @ 5:55 PM

Christmas Poem

I close my eyes and
I could almost believe I'm in an airplane
if it weren't for the rush
of the traffic's wheels on the road in the rain.

It feels so long now
since she's lived for herself;
her inner child is hiding
and she's running on empty, by rote;
her true nature in hibernation somewhere.

Where is the innocent joy of the season?
Perhaps it was discarded
someplace back along the road.
We stumble over treacherous hazards
and forget to lend an arm to each other
in the difficulty of holding ourselves up.


No this is not precisely the end result I had in mind, but poems seldom are, for me. I may be feeling stinky but at least I was able to wrest a poem out of the melee of my mind. >:P

~ posted by Anna @ 3:49 PM

Sunday, 21 December 2003

Yes, I need some Unconscious Mutterings.
  1. Exchange: student
  2. Parental Advisory: fuckwits
  3. Blowout: spending spree
  4. Spider: soda (vanilla and cola)
  5. Happy: attack
  6. Intense: hue
  7. Corrupt: gamble
  8. Got: milk? (uuuugh.)
  9. Crude: males
  10. Three: blind mice

~ posted by Anna @ 9:11 PM

I don't want to have to say I'm ALL RIGHT, because I am not.

But neither do I want to be forced to try and explain what is wrong, especially not to... the cause of the angst. (God what a frelling stupid word.) So I go away.

Bulldren. Drennish drenny dren. I hate this.

~ posted by Anna @ 9:08 PM

Friday, 19 December 2003

Deck the halls with friday five :D

1. List your five favorite beverages.

- Fresh juice (especially pear & ginger)
- Mixed berry smoothie
- Jose Cuervo reposado with Roses lime cordial and soda water
- Stolichnaya with freshly squeezed ruby grapefruit and orange juice
- Clear clean cold water from Canterbury's natural aquifers

2. List your five favorite websites.

- Mugglenet
- I used to believe...
- Here. In My Head
- Crop Circle Connector
- The Internet Movie Database

3. List your five favorite snack foods.

- Crackers with cheese, cucumber, avocado, pepper
- Salt & vinegar potato chips
- Orange juice (it's a food)
- A ripe green pear
- Dark Belgian (or any other good quality) chocolate

4. List your five favorite board and/or card games.

- Scrabble, playing by my own rules
- Monopoly, but nobody will play it with me except my sister who always wins
- Trivial pursuit, although I don't have the game myself
- Cluedo, ditto
- Guess Who, a long time ago

5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games.

- Space Quest(s)
- Monkey Island(s)
- Day Of The Tentacle
- Myst and its sequels
- Lemmings

...Fa la la la la, la la la la!!

~ posted by Anna @ 11:24 PM

Monday, 15 December 2003

Jeremiah was a bullfrog
Was a good friend of mine
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine

Singin' Joy to the world
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me


~ posted by Anna @ 4:55 PM

Sunday, 14 December 2003

More Mutterings... since I accidentally answered last week's this morning! Hey, why not do two this week? ^_^

  1. Warning: shot
  2. Aspirations: float
  3. Starvation: protest
  4. Lid: pop
  5. Sketch: light, light
  6. Interrogate: "a few witches burning, gets a little toasty here"
  7. Credit: card (is full :()
  8. Scotch: whiskey
  9. Confused: replicant
  10. Paris: Caroline in the City

~ posted by Anna @ 7:59 PM

Unconscious Mutterings

  1. Blizzard: lost in frustration
  2. J: Homer J.!
  3. Control: freak
  4. Blood: money
  5. Mysterious: bruises on my arms, matching ones
  6. Annoying: people (GRRR)
  7. Throat: deep and deeply-felt laughs
  8. Condom: sleeping bag
  9. Search: for Spock :P
  10. Heartfelt: gratitude to the goddess

~ posted by Anna @ 3:32 PM

Thursday Threesome. Even though it's not Thursday. I only just met this meme.

::The Christmas Song, Part I::

Onesome: The-- What is the "bestest" Christmas decoration in your mind? You know, the one that says, "This is Christmas!"

Absolutely the tree. No competition, there's nothing like it. Although I'd be freakily happy to some day have an actual Yule celebration - I mean in winter - with a tree, since that's where the idea of Christmas trees originated. Speaking from the southern hemisphere - is it just me, or does a pine tree in summer feel a bit wrong? They look so sad and droopy on a hot Christmas day.

Twosome: Christmas-- What style of Christmas ornaments do you like to see? Are you a glass ball person? ...or how about that bow thing? Maybe Christmas Muppet characters everywhere? Hmm?

We always kept our decorations subtle, just a few colours that go well together, and mostly on the tree, not all around the house. Little red velvet bows, fine single strands of silver tinsel stuff, tiny white electric lights, and sometimes a few handmade seed-bead snowflakes hanging from the branches.

Threesome: Song--...and your favorite Christmas Song? Is there one that just sets the season for you when you hear it? I mean, even when you're in a "Ho-Ho-Humbug" mood?

Most Christmas songs make my stomach turn, though that's usually when I hear them in a mall. Me no like malls, and me no like cheezy tunes. Old-style carols would be my favourites, even though I'm not Christian. I do enjoy 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen'... and okay, I'll admit I like 'Snoopy's Christmas', lol :D

~ posted by Anna @ 11:03 AM

Here goeth a bit of pondering aloud, about this science fiction thing, this Blade Runner thing. To begin with... if (when) people create other living creatures from scratch, how could they live? have a spark, a soul? (Are you sure where my spark is?) A psyche and a persona, feelings? On the other hand, I can understand how it might happen. It's like what makes dolls creepy. The eyes! Giving a puppet so much physical humanity makes it a void, gives it potential as a conduit or vessel for anything to inhabit. Dolls are used in magic because they can hold and contain focused energy. So if we made living dolls they may be a host for unknown entities. Human souls mebbe, but just as easily demons or aliens. Oh boy, do they do eyes well in this film. Highlighted then hidden, shadowed then aglow with fires of rage or passion, sparkling with inspiration and confusion. They confuse and trick and never give away any truth. "If only you could see what I've seen with your eyes." Who knows what an alien entity could accomplish in a highly sophisticated GE human body? Certainly nobody could control their feelings or actions.
"'We're no computers, Sebastian. We're physical.'
'I think, Sebastian, therefore I am.'
'Very good, Pris, now show him why.'"

Oh, how much more depth I see with each viewing. The savage alien spirit of the Replicants and the poetry they produce. The gentleness and naivete of Rachael's passion, her confusion. What other paths could they take if they'd been designed differently? "The light that burns twice as brightly burns half as long. And you have burned so very very brightly." See the pain of facing one's creator only to find... he can't ease life's suffering. To learn that one might have been so much more, had more freedom, but for the creator's tyranny. And yet how much it hurts to kill him. "Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave." How might we treat our gods after hearing what they have to tell us in an honest confrontation?

This is one of those book-to-film adaptations which has surprising and peculiar elements brought into focus. There are astounding atmospheres in both media, though their senses of rich ambience are painted in separate ways. The film shows us the hero's fight to stay alive in a den of death surrounded by dilapidated pieces of decay, old pieces of once-loved lives. Pursued by a loony who in his madness is also fighting to stay alive, only to kill one last time. Yet Roy ends up speaking a final ray of hope... which could be seen as despair. "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in the rain. Time to die." (Yeah, that line is more convincing when yeh're caught up in the flow of the movie. But I love it. Nyah.) Characters who kill, who love, who rage, who despair. They transcend! In particular I believe Deckard's personal transcendence to be stronger in the novel. He goes further... near to the edge of death or sanity, which could destroy him and who he is, but which is in a way peaceful, and a tempting place to stay. Yet Deckard returns. He becomes. (Yes I'm being cryptic. Or perhaps I just don't know how to say what I'm thinking. :P) He reaches deep into the realm of a false god and in doing so, finds himself.

Did science fiction always contain such profound humanity? I hope it always will. These were some of my thoughts. You shouldn't expect them to make sense. I don't. Oh yes - I must say this, as a final thought: I adore the teeny silver origami unicorn. :D

~ posted by Anna @ 12:38 AM

Friday, 12 December 2003

Yey for the F5.

1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays?

I certainly would! if I were in the hemisphere which got snow for the holidays. Here in New Zealand we hardly get snow at all. *pout*

2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect?

A big bunch of family is good, since for most of the year we never got to see much of them. Although the Xmases we spent, just my parents, my sister and me, as a quiet day in the sun having a picnic, a barbecue or whatnot were often very pleasant.

3. Do you do have any holiday traditions?

Er...... nope. Except for a habit, which could vaguely be called a tradition, of travelling north to stay with grandparents for a couple of weeks. We're definitely doing that this year, since we just moved house to be nearer to 'em. ^_^

4. Do you do anything to help the needy?

'Fraid to say, no. It's never been a big part of Xmas where we live - as far as I'm aware. Perhaps we could find ways to help people but up 'til now we haven't gone out of our way to do so. Although, come to think of it, I once donated all my old beloved soft toys to charity. That felt good.

5. What one gift would you like for yourself?

One present? Difficult question or what? :P Well, as I couldn't pick between the various materialistic answers running through my mind, I'll go for a different style of wish. Happiness, pure and simple. For myself and those I love.

~ posted by Anna @ 11:17 PM

Have new crystals. Muahahaha!! Lapis, chalcedony and chrysocolla. Crystal shop in Lower Hutt rocks! (pun intended.) Were surprised to note there was a second witchy kind of shop, though had no time to have a look-see today.

New skirt is good. Never worn this colour before. Style makes me want to concentrate on better posture to reduce stick-outiness of bum. Nyah. :P Oh yez - got the comment "Nice cross!" about my ankh today. Heh heh heh. (Felt and) said thanks due to the serenity and friendliness of the kind Christian check-out chick. :D

Muchly hot and muggy weather: the moistest mistiest meltiest I've experienced in a long time. But didn't perspire so much; rather have a mild dehydration headache. *rolls eyes* Got much shopping done however: not only for us but also for them. *wiggles eyebrows* Aren't we good little pixies?

~ posted by Anna @ 6:37 PM

FRELL IT!!@#~ o_O Trying to post when Blogger session has run out causes text in post-box to disappear. >:|

~ posted by Anna @ 6:32 PM

Thursday, 11 December 2003

I got sammiches, I got organic sugar-free soda, I got music, a sunny day and I think, finally, the impetus to tell you all about this week.

We awoke were rudely awoken by my phone-alarm early on Friday morning, to a grey dawn and a few chores, stuffing things into the car before we departed in fair haste for the airport. We weren't as early as hoped, but had plenty of time nonetheless, and got to walk through the 'security area' with the nice lady to put the caged kitties on the baggage trolley. That being done, I waved bye-for-now to Dad and strolled upstairs to Gate 17, with only about ten minutes to spend slouching sleepily (not sleeping slouchily, fortunately) against the wall with my fellow passengers. Thence onward to seat 8F by the sea-side window, which yielded to me a spectacularly beautiful scape of clouds along the journey. My face was plastered with its usual stupidly happy grin as I felt the plane take off, but not without a stab of anxiety for the cats' fear, of what must have been hideously loud noises to their ears, in the baggage compartment somewhere below us. I enjoyed my generous free snack of a teeny cup of mineral water (I was thirsty) and then my eyes proceeded to glue themselves to the view. We descended into what looked exactly like a sea of cotton wool to see the arms of the north island reaching forth, and soon landed in Wellington Airport, with a glimpse of a great greedy Gollum on the roof of the terminal. Mum was waiting outside the arrival gate. We hugged, and walked through the terminal, which was filled with several spiffy LOTR displays. Ze kitties were all ready for us to grab even before my suitcase came along the conveyor. Said baggage went on a little trolley and was trundled out to ze car. I got a tiki tour through central Wellington to see the Fell Beast and Rider on top of the Embassy Theatre, and Legolas on his billboard with the giant arrow embedded in a wall across the street, then onward we went to Lower Hutt. Into Boulcott to greet my grands, and to pick up Nana who was keen to see our new house and join us for lunch. Stokes Valley ho! Up to our street and the neat wee house, where we released the anxious cats into rooms adorned with bright newish decor. Wind wound vigorously out of doors. We had lunch and sat around until the movers came at one, then we checked that each item which left Dunsandel arrived here. Finding space and location for things was a challenge, but it all got in the door. Mum went out to drop off Nana and grab a few groceries, and I had Led Zeppelin playing when she got back. We sat and listened, and I re-read the new EziBuy magazines. By then the cats had had enough of snooping & sniffing and were to be found conked out and melted over one half of a couch. Giesen wine was drunk and enjoyed. Dad arrived late in the evening having had a fairly unrushed drive and a decent ferry ride. I got my drooping young apple tree out of the car and gave it a bottle of water. Not long after this we three fell into our respective beds.

Didn't do much on Saturday morning 'cept for a visit to Nana & Pa who were glad to see us all landed. By the afternoon we needed some more groceries, and coffee, so a trip was ventured to the local wee supermarket and cafe/bar. A bar staff kinda gal made our coffees which meant they sucked badly, but the chocolate cake was pleasant (though not good for us). Pasta and vegibles for tea.

Some Sunday time was spent making tidier the lounge due to the impending visit of rellies in the afternoon. Nana & Pa & cousin & cousin & cousin's partner. Cups of tea were consumed along with different chocolate cake, which one set o' neighbours had sent to us as a welcome by way of their daughter. Evidently our house gained folks' general approval.

(At this stage it should be mentioned that tempers and moods are flaring almost at random, in fairly close quarters, due to three people de-stressing and re-stressing and de-stressing and so on. I'd like to think of it as that last shiver before the body warms after a chill, but this is more deeply set with layers of time and feeling to ream out. Contentedness is existent but a little shy at showing its face in the fear of being growled upon by us grumpy humans. Put more simply, we're kinda driving each other nuts in the process of trying not to, with bouts of friendliness holding us together in between. Surely 'twill getter betterer.)

Where are we up to? Monday. Yeah... my short term memory is dren. "Homer no beer function well without." (Read Irony: the opposite is true.) We probably moved around some more stuff.

Tuesday dawned with the remembrance of an odious task to perform: I, or Mum was going to play Santa for Nana's womens club Christmas gathering. Under different circumstances it could be a fun (or at least funny) job, and it's not like I hadn't dressed up before and gone amongst people - as a lion, or was it a cheetah? for Orana Park, once with kiddlypinks at the Park itself and another time handing out leaflets for a pet expo; also as a chicken for a school play, which I unfortunately could not, er, play due to a broken arm right after dress rehearsal. But I digress. Neither Mum nor I were feeling at our most confident at the time. I sort of agreed that it'd be me, then suffered a poopy anxiety attack right before we were about to head out. I went out in the sun and played with cats and felt marginally better, and nevertheless when the time came, it was me who decked my limbs with a red suit, complete with beard. There was some luvly jubly Scottish music on accordion and violin, and a pair of teens dancing before Santa was to emerge. I was a rather quiet, shy Santa (the fact that every time I opened my mouth I ate wispy bits of beard did not encourage me to be overly verbose) but I got the job done, and some folks said I was a good Mother Xmas. >:P We got home to find an Alan with an upset stomach and temper. At some point the camera was mentioned, and I got in dren for not being able to remember where its charger was. So I went looking around the house, searching high and low... for hezmada's sake I even tried dowsing but the pendulum lied to me. By this time I was in quite a state, tiptoeing around the house so as not to be noticed in my fruitless search, and winding up like a tight spring. I ended up flat on my face on my bed, with stupid guilty-angry tears falling from their ducts, and got an apology from a father who hadn't really meant his general grump to upset me so. I went outside to sit under the silver birch and calm down, with a good book. Calm I gradually did, and then went inside to have tea. By bedtime I was so jumpy and exhausted from bad mood storms that, alas, I had to cancel my aforeplanned quality-junk-food-DVD-fest that night.

Might finish this mega-blather at a later date.

~ posted by Anna @ 2:35 PM

Wednesday, 10 December 2003

Catch-up will be sometime that is not now.

Frelling dren. Frell this dren. Nobody needs it.

And why, pray tell, is there no Farscapian word for 'bastard'?


~ posted by Anna @ 9:05 PM

Wednesday, 3 December 2003

Good Things:
I've settled down somewhat with the routine of a Spartan household, and don't even mind vacuuming it, washing our few dishes by hand, making meals with limited supplies, and sleeping in a different bed. Yeah, I actually have a bed! Albeit a single one with a sponge mattress, but a bed nonetheless. Although I would o' found sleeping on an airbed fun (like camping), the bed is better than an airbed inflated by mouth because we don't have a pump.

The cats have settled down as much as they can and are grooving with the fact that there's some decent places for them to snooze, as well as lots of space for running around like loons, and great acoustics for mrowling.

Honing the system of my site's image galleries.

Bad Things:
Am currently re-editing the several files I just edited, having thought they were the appropriate copies, getting them back to their former state. Although the thought now occurs that I should just download them or take 'em out of the backup I made yesterday. Huh.

No more Farscape. No more Buffy. :(

I think it's a bit of a pisser that I never see myself in the 'newly updated blogs' list (on the Blogger homepage). I don't even know when it would show up. I assume this is because I am (and thus my blog is) in a different time zone.

That's all I can think of for now.

~ posted by Anna @ 4:37 PM

Tuesday, 2 December 2003

Oh! ah! much turbulence in the living space. We see our house not-our house empty out, carried in boxes by strangers. This causes in me alternating frenzies of almost-tears and almost-laughter, perhaps intensified by the two hours of sleep I acquired last night this morning. Goddess bless ye little boxes (and big boxes) as ye wend yr way up north to our new suburbian shoebox. ^_~

~ posted by Anna @ 4:38 PM

Monday, 1 December 2003

Evening moth madness. Hehehe! being tickled by loony moths. :}

~ posted by Anna @ 11:15 PM