Saturday, 21 February 2004

Monstrously Maudlin...
...So what else is new?

Terrible attack of pain and weakness last night. Sneaked up on me as sleep-discomfort - tossing and turning - and when I got up it pounced upon me and shook me in its teeth. Must see a doctor. Sister suggests alternative treatments which I will certainly bear in mind once I know what IS the matter with me. I like being a woman except for this. It should not be such an imposition.

I must dye my hair red tomorrow, or I believe I shall go mad. Red like Mona Mayfair, though I could never have her intelligence or grace. Lestat is enthralling me once again with his mongrel mixture of modernity and ancience. Fervency of faith and then irreverent humour. Is this different from before? I don't know but it's wonderful to revisit.

Sometimes I think I'm already mad... when I cannot locate mysterious little noises which irritate to a fever pitch; I gradually begin to wonder if they're inside my own head. But other times I know with grave sadness that I'm too sane for my own good, and wonder with pathetic mundane clarity how I should remedy this. Uh.

I won't talk about other things which are making me miserable. I know they're not true yet I feel them keenly so they are true. Suspicions and doubts of myself and those close to me. Perhaps it's merely cabin fever but I can't shake it.

"Just as Amphitrite can moderate the winds and the sea, we can learn to calm the waves of our inner storms." HA!! o_O Bah!-humbuggety.

~ posted by Anna @ 9:40 PM