Monday, 12 January 2004

(I'll just cram these many entries here. I may or may not tidy them up tomorrow.)

I had a thought to note down a thought that I had about half an hour ago, then I got distracted. During the resulting lengthy bloggle I realised the need to undelete my old LiveJournal to search for a relevant post. I got further distracted re-reading the thoughts of events of 2002. Golly that was a good year. I miss my class, Waah! And--I can't believe this... along the way I've found three poems* (so far) that I'd written and forgotten! o_O I'll stash them in Earthenwords' poetry vault sooner or later. There were a surprising number of posts which I enjoyed re-reading. It contains my thoughts back to 2001, so I think I'll leave the journal undeleted, and even put a link to it in my menubar. Here it is for now: LiveJournal Linkety.

*sigh* The first thought is thoroughly lost in the squishy, pink, neuron-studded valleys of my brain. Mebbe it'll find its way out, in time. This is the way my mind behaves! I get nothing for hours, days, even weeks, and then suddenly, splosh! I'm inundated with noteworthy thoughts, and there's not enough time to note them down before they wash each other away. Anyway, here goeth the secondary bloggle.

I would like to make note, for posterity or whatever, of the various modes of flight that have featured in my dreams over the years.

1) Not unlike a hang-glider, I had what I can only call 'training wings', which allowed me to glide gracefully - but only in a downward motion. I had these dreams several times, for a while, up until the next one...

2) ...Wherein I graduated into free flight, in any direction, using no apparati, with no restrictions. One beautiful dream in which I was gliding and diving around a rocky tor in the centre of a landscape of pastel-hued pastures. Oh my, that was peaceful... rich, imbued with serenity. ^_^

3) I believe it was during the phase of training wings - I experienced another type of flight. I could hover, bobbing about in midair a scant couple of metres above ground. I also had the ability to light lamps and candles by brushing a hand above them. This was my job: to light rows of lamps along some kind of ceremonial walkway. I was robed in dark green. Unfortunately I must have made some error in my duty, because a tall, hawk-faced, forbidding man suddenly took away my power. :/

4) Once I was running as fast as I could from an unknown assailant along an avenue of lacy deciduous trees (perhaps pin-oaks), when suddenly I found I could ride the wind, laughing, turning over and over, spinning on the currents - just like a leaf. This was a supremely joyful, natural kind of flight.

5) Amid a place of ruined stone buildings I hid, and I knew it was a city that had until very recently stood and prospered. Who I was hiding from, I know not, but anyway there was blue sky above... and perched atop a metallic sphere, I could fly high into the sky, with only the push of a thought. Not unlike the Harry Pottery broomstick flight, only it was by force of mind, not body, tilting and moving the device. I would think, 'go there!' and I would. I don't know where I went. Over the sea perhaps, then there were gardens over which to drift.

6) I should mention this as but a brief moment of flight, yet an important one. Really, the entire dream shouldn't be forgotten. Actually it wasn't me who flew... I think... Oh what the hell, I'll just copy and paste from the LJ post (which I finally found). "A white-hued angel with large feathered wings was moving across a green field away from a human area (a school?) and was heading towards a hillside furred with long grass and pocked with small caves; to either hide or hibernate, I'm not sure. Two little girls followed him(me?) into a hiding place and jumped about in fascination and adoration. Though he looked upon them with love, he wanted them to be gone, and so he gave them the gift of translucent butterfly wings. They were delighted, and floated gracefully up and away from the hillside; their wings disappearing the moment they touched the ground. They were filled with joy, and one picked a flower from the green meadow and kissed it, whispering, 'I love you.'" So there we go.

7) The second most recent flight was upon the adorable, Ruth-sized, vibrant-fluoro-flame-hued dragon... a rather more clearly Harry-Pottery themed dream. :> I kept almost falling off, but that sort of added to the thrill of flight over the landscape. (Suburbscape, actually. Hmmmm.)

8) And the most recent is barely worth a mention, just a kind of frantic, ungraceful throwing myself into the air, only going up enough to avoid being grabbed at and caught by someone. Oh well. The rest more than make up for this one!


And odd wee noises have been here and there
on the periphery of today,
touching my awareness like someone
tapping my shoulder, then running the other way.



I will dive below the surface of knowledge;
eyes blurred and lungs burning in unfamiliar waters,
Until things grow clearer and my eyes refocus
and I breathe in new ideas.

Those who linger above will see
a certain change come over me:
A light from the depths of my eyes,
and old air from before; old knowledge
bubbling up - deep wondrous laughter.

My friends, come dive with me!
There is so much more to see.


Sometimes I can't help but wonder
Why I'm seldom purely in the moment:
Why I cannot stop being someone
to whom things far away mean something.

Sometimes I can't help thinking.
"If only I weren't someone
whose smile is like a wound in her face;"
But 'If only' means nothing.

I am somewhat confused
As to the recurring need to say,


Still re-reading... whoa, deja-vu. I know, I know, you'll think, "But she's reading old posts, of course she's been there before." But that's not what deja-vu is, to me. It's more complicated than actual recognition. It's like... the gathering together of all one's sense-data within a moment, which forms an ethereal sense of recognition... designed to let one know that one is on or close to the correct probability path. I likes deja-vu.

On another note: Oh, Pandora, I love Pandora. The story, and the woman. So very much my favourite Ricean vampire. And though she's not specifically a character who inspired this poem (written some time ago), it suits her so well, I'll slap it up here anyway...

Children Of The Millennia

Shattered lines of old lands and long-lost loves
Carried with despairing reverence in minds like caskets of stone;
The old ones hang like ghosts over the earth,
Condemned to watch from outside the beauty of human life,
And, eternally moving onward,
They leave their shadow of death wherever their foot falls.


Oooh, a new wee pome!

Grammar Waltz

Dance backward, dance forward, little words:
Put thy feet in the right space.
Puppets, ye knowest thy partner
And thy partner's true place,
Though the puppeteer is in ignorance.

Waltz 'til the break of day.
Turn in a circle,
Laugh, dance on.
Your feet will know the way!


I can't fathom why so many thoughts are coming to me tonight. But here is one more ponderation. How is it that there's almost no record of Kefiri's time with us? I was using no diary or blog... a few measly photos of her looking scruffy, is all. It was amazing how large a gap such a small creature left in our lives, and how the event dwarfed everything else. But I see how she never meant her stay to be long. She was a sparky, beautiful feline angel sent to teach us something... perhaps something we'll only ever subliminally understand.

And getting a new kitty was no affront to her spirit. It was time to bring someone new into our family. It's never an attempt to fill the gap the dearly departed leaves, as that would be futile, impossible - it merely helps to initially dull the pain of that void.

But I digress. There was barely anything to document Kef's life. Far be it from me to misalign memories, though. Perhaps this is a lesson on the strength and importance of Mnemosyne, which prevails when nothing else does. Of course, we could never forget our Kef.


Ah ha ha! I've remembered the original thought. :D It was a slight alteration to my 100 Things. The fact that I am a quote junkie. Not hardly an important alteration, but I just can't help tweaking things like this.


Yotz! I'm even gathering bits from old LJ posts which were old when I posted them to LJ.

"She gazed up at the blue arc of the heavens and smiled. The stars twinkled with their cold fire, framed by swaths of pale grey cloud. The moon illuminated the glade with a soft silver radiance that calmed her fearful heart. She breathed deeply, inhaling the starshine, and a rush of empowerment swelled through her breast, as if she were a conduit for earth energy reaching its arms to play with the stars. She stood up, a light of grim determination in her eyes. Carrying the power of the stars, she went forth to face her nemesis.
(Where did that come from? some story I never wrote? I can see no link to the fanfictions I used to write, so I don't know to what that passage could have been related. Oh, well.)"

~ posted by Anna @ 1:00 AM